1. Start with the
commitment to make the marriage work.
2. Understand that you deceived each other in the courtship process and
practice the skill of forgiving. While you were courting, you always put
your best foot forward in order to accomplish your objective: marriage
to the one you were courting. For this reason, you probably agreed to
almost everything. Fortunately, you can overcome the problems that arise
when you reveal those deceptions with a strong commitment and by
recognizing that you not only want the marriage to work but also want to
make it thrive.
3. Work at verbalizing your true feelings without taking punitive action
against your mate. Say that you and your spouse swap cars, and when you
switch back, you find that your mate has returned your car with the gas
tank almost empty. Punitive action would be returning your mate’s car
with an empty tank the next time in order to get even. Instead,
pleasantly say to your mate, “Honey, you may have noticed that when I
use your car, I return it at least half full of gasoline. I would really
appreciate it if you would show me the same courtesy.” Chances are
superb that if you handle the situation gently, lovingly, and with a big
hug and smile, your mate will respond appropriately.
4. Take time to build the skill of courteousness. Building the skill of
courteousness is good advice for husbands and wives to follow.
Discourtesy is really disrespect; you’re seldom discourteous to anyone
you truly respect. Marriage counselors say that one thing lacking in
many poor marriages is genuine respect for each other. In marriage, we
are often more discourteous than we are in friendships or in business
relationships. Venting your anger in marriage and thinking that doing so
costs nothing is irresponsible. Hurt relations always cost, especially
in marriage.
5. Eliminate the words always and never from your vocabulary - as in
“you always do this” or “you never do that.” Those statements aren’t
true, and they can elicit nothing but a defensive retort from your mate.
6. Practice looking for the good in your mate and work on finding the
humor in problems. Many couples report that, in the midst of a heated
argument, something hilarious happens or is said, perhaps an
interruption by a child or an innocent but appropriate remark that hits
the funny bone. At any rate, the anger immediately dissipates and
laughter sets in - not at each other but with each other.
7. Remember that your mate is not a mind reader. Many couples expect
each other to know that they really don’t enjoy being kidded about their
expanding waistline, their receding hairline, their inability to wake up
instantly, their dislike of sloppiness, or their need for support and
encouragement about a specific thing. But you need to gently tell your
mate what your needs are. He or she can’t read your mind. Resentment
builds within you if your mate doesn’t meet a need or conducts himself
or herself in a way that displeases you, but he or she may not have a
clue as to the nature of the problem.
About the Author:
Joey Plazo loves executive coaching and attracting women to the world of
NLP. He aids folks find jobs in the Philippines.
Article Source:
www.iSnare.com
