Forgive and Forget: How to Take Your Power Back (part 3)

Posted on February 3, 2007

This is the third part of my Forgive & Forget Series. The series covers the benefits of forgiveness, I say, “Forget?” Because I believe if you forget you will make the same mistakes again.

In life, you learn something new everyday, part two of the series is taking the act of forgiveness from something you think you know in your head to the physical reaction or lack there of and knowing when you have truly forgiving someone.

Part three is a response to a comment I had from one of my readers Ron, who wanted to know: How knowing what it feels like to forgive has helped me. I started to reply the comment and thought, “Well, this could be Forgive & Forget? Part 3.” Thanks for the question Ron.

Writing the post, Forgive and Forget: How do you know when you have forgiven someone, helped me deal with forgiveness issues I thought I was handling very well until a call elicited a vile reaction in me. I am a huge believer in the Law of Forgiveness for reasons more selfish than moral: If I forgive someone, I move on with my life and they no longer have control of my emotions or decision making abilities, it is all about taking control of my life.

The quote from don Miguel Ruiz was “You will know you have forgiven someone when you see them and you no longer have an emotional reaction. You will hear the name of the person and you will have no emotional reaction. When someone can touch what used to be a wound and it no longer hurts you, then you know you have truly forgiven.”

After I discovered this passage in his book, The Four Agreements, I stopped seeing forgiveness as an intangible accomplishment, something I knew I wanted to accomplish but did not know what accomplishing it felt like or if I was not supposed to know when I had accomplished it. So I went around saying I have forgiven certain people until I saw them and wanted to chop off their heads.

Now, I know I need to keep forgiving people until the point when I get no emotional reaction from the mention of that person’s name or have my skin crawl when I see them. I have no problem with the act of forgiving, I just keep repeating an affirmation until the thought leaves my head: “Easy after years of practice.” Knowing that all I need to do is keep forgiving until I am reaction free, makes the end result (the goal) more tangible.

Finally, I have to say that since I learned this, I have been able to take the emotions out of my thoughts and when I think of my special people (those that torment me) I find I am no longer angry, sad, disappointed or scared in some cases. I love the detachment I feel. I always thought the emotional reaction I got was because I still felt something and it made me angry because I just didn’t want to spend one more ounce of emotion on these people. I thought maybe I had not moved on, it just opened up a boat load of questions and that I just didn’t not feel I should still be asking. But all that is gone now, I feel a sense of peace which is my ultimate goal in my life. As for everything else I know I simply have to wait for the wounds to heal and all it takes for that is time.

Blogger’s Note:
As I learn and experience more about forgiveness I have written more blogs on the topic please check them out, they make a more comprehensive and cohesive whole.
Forgive and Forget? (Part 1)
Forgive and Forget: How do you know when you have forgiven someone (Part 2)

photo credit: fdecomite

Filed Under Living Eternal Vigilance, Relationships, Self Improvement

PLEASE & Thank You

Comments

2 Responses to “Forgive and Forget: How to Take Your Power Back (part 3)”

Ren on February 19th, 2007 12:46 am

I get the forgiving part Tabs, it is the forgeting and moving on part that is hard.
Tabs on March 8th, 2007 12:47 pm

Ren, that takes time and you already know it takes effort to forgive hang in there and the moving on part will be there before you know it. I always say forgive and move on because forgetting might just be a catalyst for making the same mistakes again. Hurt is like a scar, it is an emotional scar, you don’t have to constantly think about it, but when you notice it, you remember what happened and you go on with your day. That’s how I forgive and forget, it just stops being a part of my everyday life.

Thanks for your comment and good luck

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